My last transfer I was dreading coming home so much. Especially on the airplane. How was I supposed to leave this home? This place where I learned, grew and loved so much? I didn't want to see my family. I just wanted to be in Korea longer serving these amazing people.
But I couldn't control anything and had to face the fact that I was indeed going home. The plane ride was terrible. I slept for about an hour. Trying to decide what I was going to do with my life. It was a restless trip.
I landed in the Salt Lake airport and went to the bathroom to freshen up and also kill time. I was about to see my family. I headed towards the escalators and I saw people at the bottom. I turned around hoping I wouldn't have to go down and just stood in the terminal for a few seconds, but decided I needed to just get it over with. I went down the escalators and saw my family and friends. I immediately started crying and I couldn't handle it! This was actually happening! I dragged my heavy carry-on and ran towards my mom. It all went by so fast, but in a hot second I had hugged all of my family and friends. I WAS HOME. HOME. What?? The day I was picturing for so long on the mission and it was already here.
Now it was great to see my family, but being home kind of really sucks. Now I have to worry about real life. On the mission I only had one purpose. I only had to worry about other people. But now I have to worry about myself. School, work, money, dating, marriage, kids, family, etc.. And let me tell you. It sucks! There's not a day that goes by when I don't think about Korea. I miss the people. The food. Everything about it. I can't eat. Every time I take a bite of something I used to love, I felt nauseous. Life at home sucks. I guess it's slowly getting better, but my mission felt like it was a dream. Like it never happened and that makes me scared. What did I learn? Who did I become? How am I supposed to be the new me when I can't even remember what I did to reinvent myself? Do I continue on, being the person I was before? Or do I desperately try to recollect? To find the person I was on my mission?
Life is hard now. But I guess that's what Satan does to us. He tries to tear us apart when we are the weakest. Being a RM has it's perks, but it's also a time I really need to find myself. To discover who I want to be now after serving the Lord. I'm trying to be the best I can be. But sometimes it's hard not to go back to the bad habits I did before.
I guess right now I just have to endure to the end.
